I’ve been in a holding pattern. The last few weeks I can’t seem to get out of my way or get things moving. I haven’t written a blog for two weeks, worked on my book or drummed up business. I feel like all I’ve been doing is waiting to get on the other side and breathe.
The worst thing is I recognize the pattern and I don’t like it. Every time there’s a big event on the horizon, I put everything else on hold. It’s not that I have a lot to prepare for—everything’s in place. And, it’s not like I have anything to be anxious about—all I have to do is show up.
But now that I write those words, I think that’s the crux of it—showing up. Unfortunately, showing up isn’t that easy for me because I get hung up on showing up perfectly. And, even though I tell myself there is no such thing as perfect and that I am fine as I am, I still get stuck trying.
So I’ve been at the gym every day to take off a few pounds or at least tighten up a bit. I’m trying to find the perfect shoes in spite of thinking just a while ago that I had a fine pair of shoes and I’m going in circles doing things that make no sense. Because I’m so focused on doing everything perfectly, it’s impossible to start anything because I know I’m doomed to failure. My blog won’t be right, clients don’t want to see me anyway and a book? Who am I kidding?
Perfectionism is the same as telling ourselves we’re worthless. No matter how hard we try we’re doomed to failure. There’s always a better, more perfect way around the corner. And, even if we make it around that corner, there’s another better way on the horizon. So what’s the solution?
For me, writing this blog worked. Just paying attention to my uncomfortable holding pattern and writing about it helped me to see what’s really going on. Frankly, I was going to beat myself up for not “living in the present” just to find out it’s really about trying too hard to be the Perfect Jane—that Perfect Jane that I already am. Whew—that’s a mouthful I can’t believe I said—but saying it puts me on a different road where I can breathe and relax.
We’ll see if I can remember that as I move toward the big event. What is it? My son’s wedding in less than two weeks. I’ll keep you informed…