Okay, I’m coming clean. I overindulged during the holidays and not just with food. I overindulged with spending, with giving (and receiving), with socializing and with time off. When I look back over the last two weeks, I’m not sure I did anything in moderation. And, although I could talk about all the shoulds I violated, I actually see a silver lining in this.

I am sooooo happy it is January 5th. I’m back in the saddle again and ready to take on a new life. I’m ready to conquer any new frontier and already have some new personal commitments. I’ve joined a 45 day Real Food Challenge, promised to only dine-out once a week, and committed to use lists to organize myself. Right now, the past weeks’ overindulging is making it easy to stay focused.

But, the big question is – how do I keep the focus when I’m no longer sick and tired of my previous behavior. In a few weeks when I’m full of pride for being such a ‘”good” girl, will I fall back into overindulgence? Absolutely, if I think it’s about being good.

Overindulging isn’t about being a bad girl—it’s about being human. Like it not, we are not perfect beings and if we expect to be perfect, we’ll be sorely disappointed. The key is to see both sides of the coin as neither good nor bad, whether it’s overspending and penny pinching or luxurious dining and common leftovers or disorganization and a tidy structured life. If we don’t see these as just part of what is, we’ll be fighting for that perfection that will always be out of our reach—and the cycle of bad and good will continue.

So, as a human, I’m going to strive to be that detached observer. And, when I overindulge, I’ll say, “isn’t that interesting”. And when I live frugally, I’ll say “isn’t that interesting”. Because the truth is, when you come right down to it—isn’t life interesting?

Always learning or as some say AFGO!

I think this year I’ll commit to a New Year’s Solution instead of a New Year’s Resolution.  Resolutions don’t seem to work for me.  Somehow resolving to make a change isn’t enough.  But, acting like I already have the answer feels like a better chance for success.

One of the basic elements of Empowerment methodology is the shift from Pathology to Vision—from focusing on what doesn’t work in our life to what we really want.  I think that’s the difference between a resolution and solution.

With a resolution we decide to change a problem:  I’ll lose weight or spend less.  With a solution, we can focus on a new vision because the problem has already been solved.  It’s a subtle shift in perception but it feels totally different and it is so important to the outcome.

Just thinking back on the financial problems of 2009, we can get lost in the gloom and doom of the year.  We don’t even want to think back to the mess.  And, resolving to clean it up, isn’t going to help.  But, if we can affirm that we already have the solution and move toward a vision of financial stability, the shadow lifts and we can get a clear picture of where we’re heading.

So my New Year’s Solution is I have a financially balanced life that reflects my own conscious money beliefs and values.  And, while I’m at it, I eat food that supports a healthy lifestyle!  What’s your New Year’s Solution?

There, that feels much better! (And, yes, this is a repeat from 2009!)

Gorham Savings Bank (my local bank) recently posted this article.

BAD NEWS – Maine CPA says Bankers and Investment advisors are wrong about how to achieve financial independence.

12.05.11

An auspicious moment in time. Someone told me that the thing to do on 11/11/11 was to set an intention for the future—something we wanted to see for ourselves and the world. So, while on the phone with a coaching client this morning, we decided to state our intentions at 11:11 to be sure we used as many 11’s as possible.

We found that our intentions evolved from the same desire—finding balance—something so elusive in today’s world. We started in different directions—mine balancing giving and receiving—hers from generally feeling out of balance. But our bottom line was the same; when things feel out of balance life in general is overwhelming. So, as we set our intentions for personal balance, we also did the same for the greater world. After all, grass roots efforts aren’t only about protests and such.

We decided a good place to find balance would be in finding joy in the simple things we were already doing. So often, our everyday tasks turn into chores filled with feelings of dread and overwhelm. But, if we shift our attitude a bit and give up a timeline or agenda, tasks can actually become enjoyable. Because, face it, if we keep waiting for that one big moment, whether it’s filled with joy, love or even money, we never find it. And, the longer we wait the higher our expectations get and the probability of finding that perfect moment becomes smaller and smaller. And, in the meantime, we miss all those other moments.

So for me, I’m going to receive all those small joyful moments with open arms. And, when I give more than required, the memory of receiving small moments will keep my giving side in balance. And, for my client, she’s going to add some joyful things to her life to balance the less pleasurable chores she faces. Because when we start our journey to balance by filling the scales with joy, it’s much easier to accept the other side of things.

Now where do we find the joy to balance the world’s financial crisis?

Last week I was at the Gestalt International Study Center in Cape Cod attending the first part of a three-part workshop on High-Impact Coaching.  It was fantastic—so many new approaches to age old problems. The Gestalt approach matches my way of thinking in so many ways that I couldn’t resist sharing some of my learnings with you.

One of the core concepts we worked with was leaning into resistance. It started with a perfect demonstration by Stuart, one of the instructors.  As he asked a willing participant to “resist me”, Stuart just stood there.  When nothing happened, he asked again, “resist me”. It became perfectly clear that resistance doesn’t happen on its own—it takes two to tango. If we don’t resist the resistance there is no resistance. Are you with me?

So what does that have to do with our money life? Good question. I can think of a lot of places we resist with money both with emotions and behaviors. Simple behaviors like spending less and saving more. Usually when these come up we start with a basic litany of telling ourselves not to worry or to stop being so irresponsible. And then we go on to lecture about what we should do and beat ourselves up for not doing what a responsible person would do. Beating ourselves up—the ultimate piece de resistance.

But what if we leaned into the resistance with curiosity and no agenda for what needs to happen? Is it possible that we might shed some light on our distorted way of thinking and open to new possibilities—even if only a little? Maybe with leaning into resistance instead of falling into the shoulds, we’d strive for the what ifs.  And there’s one thing I do know—a little what if at the end of the day will add up to a whole lot more.

So remember, don’t fight it – lean into it!

After last week’s blog, someone asked me about my “take on Occupy Wall Street which seems highly focused on money; who has it and who doesn’t”. It certainly has been fascinating to see how this small grass roots effort has spread across the nation and caught everyone’s attention.  It’s the focus of the current Doonesbury cartoon, first choice for an “occ” internet search, and is already in Wikepedia. 

On my recent New York weekend, our tour bus drove by the park (with the statue of the bull) where it all started.  It didn’t look like too big a crowd yet their message is causing everyone to stop and think. The gap between the “classes” is growing and something we need to pay attention to.  Here is what I had to say about this issue back in my September 1^st, 2009 blog, Reaching Across The Great Divide:

“It got me to thinking of how our money beliefs and values have caused an ever widening gap between those who have and those who have not.  That gap has grown so that at times it seems impossible to bridge the gap.  The two sides believe the opposite of each other and can’t even begin to understand those on the other side…..this gap between the “haves” and “have-nots” gets bigger and bigger based on baseless “truths” and unexamined beliefs.”

At the end of the day, the Occupy Wall Street movement is giving us an opportunity to examine this gap and to start the conversation as to whether or not this what we, as American’s, want for our great society.  Is this what our forefather’s envisioned?  Is this the freedom we fought for?  Or, have our unexamined money beliefs taken us down a road we never intended travel?

What do you think? Let’s talk.

 Last weekend I took my son Kilian to experience New York City while my husband went moose hunting in Maine’s Allagash. Although we expected modern communication to be working against us rather than for us, dueling text messages crossed the airwaves juxtaposistioning the two worlds we temporarily inhabited.

While I landed at JFK and headed by taxi to a Times Square hotel, he turned left onto a logging road—85 miles of dirt leading to a hunting camp with no electricity or running water. His excitement was equal to mine as I spoke of Broadway tickets and jazz clubs.

My picture text of the Empire Building from our hotel room flew by the in-coming picture of the Black River behind their cabin. Central Park by pedi-cab was met with a picture of heading to the outdoor shower. And, with Sunday being a day of respite from shooting, they piled into the truck to scout for moose as we explored the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

Certainly worlds apart—to say the least. And, as I reflect on those obvious differences I think about the richness of both. One rich in material things, the other rich in natural beauty. It’s so simple to say that it doesn’t take material wealth to have the best of life and that real wealth is the pure, pristine environs of the Allagash. But, that may be too simplistic. Kilian and I experienced such beauty in the museums—the heritage of our existence on earth. Music, art and theatre all contributing to the beauty of our lives. And, it takes money, lots of money to support the arts and to continue this legacy of the human spirit.

So, what’s my conclusion? Balance. It’s always about balance.  Balance that is neither right or wrong, good or bad—just up and down, left and right—the great 50/50. Balance that gives us both ends of a spectrum to reflect on and be grateful for.

Bottom line? I wouldn’t want to give up either one of them.